Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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