I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
