There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
