Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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