Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
