I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
