Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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