Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
