I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
