New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
