You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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