she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
