The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
