just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
