He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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