whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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