it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
