Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
