Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
