I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
