Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
