I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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