Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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