you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
