I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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