GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
