I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's always time for handjobs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
