i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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