I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
