i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
