The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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