Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
