just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
