The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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