Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
