Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
