Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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