I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
