When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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