Your dad touched me again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
