There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
