My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
