textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
