i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
