did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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