I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
