My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Who died my cat blue again?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
