Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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