Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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