i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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